Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Bored Stiff

This holiday weekend Chris and I (and the girls) were bored stiff at home most of the weekend. Not necessarily a bad thing at times, but overall bored nonetheless. We were home by ourselves. Friday night Chris and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary by going to one of our favorite restaurants, Bound'ry. It's close to downtown and o so yummy. They don't have a huge menu, and everything always tastes fresh. I had the filet with potatoes. Steak and taters fancy style. It was amazing. Chris had the wood-fired BBQ chicken n pineapple pizza. It was a little on the spicy side. My two French martinis were a little strong, so we opted to do a Redbox as opposed to going to the movies. Saturday I got my hair done then came to the house where we didn't leave until church time the next am. Sunday after church we were home all day again and Monday finally someone was available for a get together!! We met Trav and Wren and the kids in downtown Franklin and ate at the new crepe place. It was delicious! After Molly had a fall, our park plans were cancelled and back to the house we headed. Needless to say, I am so sick of being at the house!! And I missed Chris not being here, too. I am so excited that Mom will be here tomorrow to get us and take us back to her house for the rest of the week and weekend!! Can't wait to see everyone and celebrate Nick Nick's birthday!! Pool time baby!! Guess this means Mom gets one more weekend with us prior to having surgery. We are assuming that we won't even hear back from the nurse on a date today since she was off Friday and Monday. Waiting is the worst! 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Cocoon

My world has recently been turned upside down with the news of my Mom's breast cancer. The appointments, the doctors, the waiting to hear back, all of it is sending me into some type of cocoon. I'm normally extremely vocal about my feelings, good or bad (or ugly), and this time I think my world has been rocked just a little too hard too fast. I'm even having trouble writing this post. And that alone (the not being open and outward with my feelings) just downright scares me. I feel extremely emotionally overwhelmed yet emotionally void at times as well. As you know, my Mom was due to finally have her double mastectomy tomorrow (Wednesday). On Friday she was informed that in order for her general practitioner to sign off on the surgery, she had to do a stress test on Monday (which was yesterday). She did the IV kind, and she said she felt fine. Late afternoon after several calls to the doctors, we found out that the surgery is off, because she may have a heart blockage. Let's just add something else to the list why don't we?! She now goes in on Friday for a heart catherization. The new treatment plan for the cancer and possible heart issue will be determined at that time. Or that is my understanding. As Seth and Amy say on SNL, "I mean REAAALLLLYY?!?!?!" My brain, my head, and my heart all ache. I feel like I am living in someone else's life. I'm attempting to deal with my emotions and not go into the cocoon, because I have a family of my own, two small baby girls that need me. But this is so hard. I don't know how to feel sometimes. I feel numb. I feel sad. I feel angry. And I feel exhausted. All of it and more. Simultaneously. I don't want it to get to the point where I mentally "break," so I am doing all that I can to keep that from happening. Not only do my girls and my husband not need that, my Mom, sister and Dad don't need to have to deal with that either. Unfortunately, the cocoon is so comforting at times. I just pretend all is normal and that none of this ever happened. It's like living in a lalaland that I don't want to come leave. Then something always happens or we get new frustrating news that reels the real world back in. I don't know how to talk to God about it. I basically just beg and plead with him for all to be well again. I don't know how to talk to Chris about it. I don't know how to talk to my best friends about it. I have always been very close with my Mom, Dad, and sister Ash, but recently they are my lifeline. We all talk everyday all the time. It's like we all know that we are the ones who "get it" or get what this whole crazy thing feels like. It's terrifying. That's the only one word way I can describe it. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband and friends who are constantly checking up on my Mom and on me. In fact, today my Mom was having another down day and received a beautiful flower arrangement from Wren (a BFF). That's how amazing they are. I know that we can make it through this, but I just don't want to even have to watch my Mom go through it. It's all just heart wrenching to me. When I started this post, I had no idea what I was going to write about. Guess this was what was on my heart. If you are praying for my Mom, I was to thank you so very much. Prayer is so very powerful, and we will take all the prayers that we can get! Now we wait for Friday and whatever news it holds.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

What's What for the Week/Weekend

Well, it's FINALLY Thursday, and I am so thankful. Ready for my Friday night and weekend. You may think stay at home moms (SAHMs) don't care as much about the weekend, but this one sure does! It probably has a little something to do with my girls going to Juju's on Friday nights, too. I'll get to relax after a rough week of what I thought was Collins teething. Took her to the doctor this am after she wouldn't stop screaming at the park, and it turns out she has the hand foot mouth virus. Hers is just in her mouth, so there are little bubble sore on her throat and in her mouth. Poor child!! Here I thought I just had one of the worst teethers ever, and the poor child had painful sores in her mouth on top of teething!! :( Bad Mommy! So, now we know, and I can give her the appropriate Motrin doses that should have it gone by Saturday. Sweet baby girl with horrible mouth and throat sores!!! :( Not sure what we are going to do on Friday night, but I do see a long, hot bubble bath on the agenda. Just sayin'. Saturday will be spent getting the house ready for the Open House we have on Sunday. Sunday will be church and then the Open House. Cross those fingers we can find a buyer!!
I talked to my Mom yesterday on the phone, and she seemed down. It broke my heart. How she hasn't been down and/or anxious before now is a miracle in itself, but hearing that it has finally hit her was hard. I think it is probably the best thing so that she can truly process what is about to happen, but it breaks my heart that she has to feel this way. I'm so ready for this surgery to come and go and start the healing process. I know she is, too!! So many people have been offering their prayers. I mean people I would never dream of. It has meant the world. Things like this really do bring people closer together. Too bad it always has to take something like this in order for people to make the time for one another. One more day closer to surgery means one more day closer to the start of recovery. Praise the Lord!!!

P.S. Small confession: I had Chick-fil-A grilled nuggets for the second time in three days...

~Nattie B

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Mommy Overload

So Collins is sleeping, I have washed and dried my hair and have even folded a large load of the hubby's laundry. Score one for me! Let me start by saying that Collins is teething. She is a little over 9 months, and so far we have 4 teeth that have broken through. Last night I about lost my sanity (the little that I have to begin with). I was at one of those moments when every second seems more impossible than the next. I felt like such a horrible Mom. I was wondering what in the world compelled me to have two kids when things were going so well with just one. Please don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade Collins for the world, but if you are a Mom, especially when you hit those particular moments, and if you are honest, you have those types of 'what if' thoughts, too. I just feel like when there was just HA, I was such a better Mommy. I had learned how to give her and Chris enough attention and keep a teensy bit for myself. With the addition of Collins, it is all thrown off again. I feel like I did when HA was this age except it feels harder times 10 because you have to add the 4 year old to the mix. Moms have such a hard job. I wonder if other moms question themselves to the extent to which I do as to whether they are making the right decisions. I feel like lately I don't have patience with either or any left for Chris. It makes me feel terrible!! I just laid on the chair while Collins took a 15 minute nap. It was the few minutes I had before I had to take HA up and get her ready then read her story and lay down with her for "10 minutes." Don't get me started on why I can't seem to get myself out of that anymore without a knock out scream fest from HA. Probably something to do with her feeling like that is the only time she has my full attention. As I laid on the chair with tears slowly rolling down the sides of my face, all I wanted was a small time to myself. But I knew in just a couple of minutes, the HA bedtime routine was going to being. Ever just want a break? Ever feel like a horrible Mom? I don't even know if anyone can relate to this, but it was my last night and hopefully not my today. Like I said, she is napping, so maybe today won't be as bad. Poor baby having to deal with teeth coming in to begin with. And me being selfish and feeling sorry for myself too. Geez! And btw, after I put HA down Collins woke back up screaming. The up side, when I finally got her down, she didn't wake up all night!!!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I'm Over It

I'm over it...the house being on the market and waiting for my Mom's surgery. I have the house ready for a show anytime I leave, you know...just in case. No surprise showings ever. Which I guess is a good thing. It's just annoying. We haven't had a ton of showings either. The last one the people supposedly loved the house but thought it was overpriced. So we lowered it $5000 before we have our open house this Sunday. I've even been windexing behind the blinds. (Very unlike me!) I'm over being on the market and ready to find something new and get started on starting a new chapter. The house hasn't even been on the market very long, but patience has never been in my vocabulary. Why start now? : ) Chris and I have been looking at the houses in our price range, but really we most likely won't buy until we sell (unless it was a short sale or something), so that can be pointless, too. I have tried not to get attached to any of the houses since they will most likely sell before ours. All very frustrating to me.

My Mom's surgery is a week from tomorrow. I'm nervous and relieved at the same time. Relieved they will finally be getting the cancer out and nervous they will find something in the lymph nodes. If it is less than 5 mm in depth, she won't even have to do radiation. What an amazing blessing that would be, but that is not even my prayer. I am just praying so hard it isn't in the lymph nodes and hasn't spread. If it is contained and they get it in this surgery, we will all be so very relieved. Please join me in prayer for this. We are taking any and all prayers we can get!! And thank you for your care and support during this hard and uncertain time. My Mom is everything to me. Being home was wonderful, and I definitely wasn't ready to come back to "real life" where I am by myself most of the time. Being home I love having my Mom and my sister as company and someone to talk to. It makes everyday fun even if we are doing nothing at all. So, it was a good visit, and although I cannot go home for the surgery (HA has a school program the next day), I plan on going back the first of June. Counting down the days already!!

~Nattie B

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Extreme Road Trip

I call it extreme since it was with a 10 yr old, 5 year old, 4 yr old, and 9 month old!! We were already headed to Covington for Mother's Day weekend, but I was really ready to go. I didn't want to have to wait to leave until Chris got off Friday evening. I was ready to be there. My sister Ashley knew this and graciously offered to come pick up me and the girls. I still can't drive long distances with Collins in the car without someone in the back to entertain her. Normally my Mom would have come to get us, but she is at the beach house with some girlfriends. So she wasn't going to be back in time to come get us early. Let me make it clear I never asked Ash, she just knew I was ready to be "home" and offered. That's the kind of person she is. Selfless. I will tell you I felt entirely guilty letting her do it. Chris thought she was crazy. Lol
After a quick stop to pick up HA and then to grab snacks, we headed out a little after 4. My nephew Nicholas (Nick Nick) sat next to Collins and kept her happy about as much as was possible. We had to make a stop in Jackson to give Collins a break, so we stopped where I always choose - Target. While walking in, Nick Nick stopped, and Ash ran into him. She was wearing flip flops, and it took her toenail off!!! WTH?! When we were there the kids ate in the little cafe, but the only thing HA would eat was Goldfish crackers and a Nesquick white milk jug. This was due to there being an "8 minute wait" for chicken tenders. She is such a picky eater and wouldn't eat a cheese pizza or breadsticks or a big pretzel! Ugh what kid (besides mine) wouldn't like one of those?! Anyway, we get back in the car and within about 15 minutes HA has thrown up all over herself!!! She never throws up. I mean that's maybe the 3rd time in her life she has, and it was everywhere. So we pull off at the next stop which of course has no gas station, etc. and pull up to an old abandoned repair shop. We strip down and clean off HA then Collins was hungry, so Ash told me to go feed her her yogurt while she worked on the seat. As Ash is cleaning HA's seat as best she can with the (only) one container of wipees we had, HA says, "Aunt Asha, wasn't my spit up beautiful colors?!" L. O. L!!!!! Only my kid!!! We were laughing so hard as Ash was trying not to get sick herself! We've decided that her milk must have gone bad. That's the only thing we could come up with. So, there may have been a few "issues" on our adventure, but we made it safe and sound. That's all that matters, right?!! Today I'll be cleaning out that seat. Fun fun!! (Hope you weren't eating when you read this!!!) 

-Nattie B

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Date Night with The Black Keys

So, we went to see The Black Keys on Friday night. It was a date night. Chris and I rarely actually do much on our Friday night "off." A lot of our nights that the girls go to Juju's end up being pizza and watching shows off of the DVR, so it was fun to have somewhere special to go! Especially since it involved The Black Keys who are one of my absolute favorite bands!!! First up - what to wear? (But of course!) Earlier that day (Friday), Collins and I met Wren and baby Scott at the mall to make a return to Stride Rite and look for my Mom a Mother's Day gift. I have yet to accomplish the latter. Since we were already there and Wren was going to the concert, too, we stopped in Forever 21 for a quick look around. We both wanted something new and fun to wear that was going to be cheap. I found an awesome pair of pants that I loved but was unable to find a top that would go with it that I liked, so I striked out. Wren found a cute top to wear with jeans. But when we were grabbing lunch, she suggested I wear a black and white wide chevron blouse I have. So, I wore that with lavender skinny jeans and my black TB flats. I paired the shirt with a long, pale pink necklace I have that gives a lavender hue. I was so glad she brought up that top. It was one of my after Christmas purchases from ModCloth with Christmas $. After Judes picked up the girls, I finished getting ready and we headed out. We parked downtown and first attempted grabbing a bite and drink at Flying Saucer, but it was crawling with people. Did I mention Flying Saucer has Woodchuck? But anyway, that was a bust. We ended up at Margaritaville where I enjoyed myself a variety (okay, it was only two) of their special margaritas. They were both delicious!! My choices: raspberry and the other was something with the Firefly sweet tea vodka and peach schnapps. Since we were downtown (where every Nashville tourist goes), the people at the table next to us were from Maryland. They had come down for George Jones funeral. Say whaaaaat?! Well, to each his own. They weren't even old! Anyway. I think they were expecting to see stars at his viewing and were disappointed when that didn't happen. I just tried to keep a straight face. I was into the 2nd drink by then after all. But anyway. Back to the concert. The Flaming Lips opened, and they were good, but The Black Keys just rocked it. I mean ROCKED it. Major. It was amazing. After the Flaming Lips went off stage, I texted Wren to see where she was sitting. Her text back was "I see you!" They were in our section a few rows down! That was too funny! Anyway, it was amazing. That's about all I can say about that show. Even if I had to walk to the car (out the wrong door that ended up being further away...thanks, Chris) in the cold rain with no umbrella. If you don't know their music, check it out! So I was going to start naming a couple of my favorite songs, but there are actually too many. I would be naming several albums. Try Little Black Submarines, Next Girl, and Everlasting Light to START.

Little Black Submarines

Next Girl

Everlasting Light

Thursday, May 2, 2013

After Today I May Be Bald

I'm. Going. To. Scream!!!! Collins is impossible today, and I don't think anything will make HA listen and obey me. I'm a ball of tense nerves. I could scream. I could cry. I need a break that doesn't exist. Want me to top it off? Chris has an after work function tonight, so it's just me all day and night. Right. Feeling sorry for myself at the moment. What's Collins doing right now? Crying in her crib where she's been for at least 10 minutes now. What's HA doing right now? Pretending to take a nap before soccer practice. And what am I doing (besides feeling sorry for myself)? Blogging and texting one of my BFFs (a fellow stay-at-home Mom) for support. It was her idea I blog about it. Like she said, everyone is always telling about the great and fun moments with their kids but not necessarily the frustrating make me want to pull every single hair out of my head moments. I texted Chris to inform him I may be bald by soccer practice time today. We actually have a showing tomorrow, so I need to be up cleaning some more, but my mental health needed a small break to sit and vent. Thanks for letting me vent. Now off to clean the kitchen (again). The joys and fabulosity of a SAHM!