Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Mommy Overload

So Collins is sleeping, I have washed and dried my hair and have even folded a large load of the hubby's laundry. Score one for me! Let me start by saying that Collins is teething. She is a little over 9 months, and so far we have 4 teeth that have broken through. Last night I about lost my sanity (the little that I have to begin with). I was at one of those moments when every second seems more impossible than the next. I felt like such a horrible Mom. I was wondering what in the world compelled me to have two kids when things were going so well with just one. Please don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade Collins for the world, but if you are a Mom, especially when you hit those particular moments, and if you are honest, you have those types of 'what if' thoughts, too. I just feel like when there was just HA, I was such a better Mommy. I had learned how to give her and Chris enough attention and keep a teensy bit for myself. With the addition of Collins, it is all thrown off again. I feel like I did when HA was this age except it feels harder times 10 because you have to add the 4 year old to the mix. Moms have such a hard job. I wonder if other moms question themselves to the extent to which I do as to whether they are making the right decisions. I feel like lately I don't have patience with either or any left for Chris. It makes me feel terrible!! I just laid on the chair while Collins took a 15 minute nap. It was the few minutes I had before I had to take HA up and get her ready then read her story and lay down with her for "10 minutes." Don't get me started on why I can't seem to get myself out of that anymore without a knock out scream fest from HA. Probably something to do with her feeling like that is the only time she has my full attention. As I laid on the chair with tears slowly rolling down the sides of my face, all I wanted was a small time to myself. But I knew in just a couple of minutes, the HA bedtime routine was going to being. Ever just want a break? Ever feel like a horrible Mom? I don't even know if anyone can relate to this, but it was my last night and hopefully not my today. Like I said, she is napping, so maybe today won't be as bad. Poor baby having to deal with teeth coming in to begin with. And me being selfish and feeling sorry for myself too. Geez! And btw, after I put HA down Collins woke back up screaming. The up side, when I finally got her down, she didn't wake up all night!!!

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